I’m having a bout of body-image issues recently. As I try to deal with them without resorting to old behavior patterns, I am digging a lot of old baggage out of my psyche. Things I’d forgotten – like a favorite great-aunt telling a 5’7”, 135 pound, size 9 athletic girl that she was well on her way to being “fat like her mother.”

The issues stemming from ballet are obvious. When all I wanted to be was a classical ballerina, being told “you are a beautiful, healthy girl, but if you want to dance professionally you need to lose 20 pounds” is obvious and, frankly, expected, although sad. Me as a 15 year old athlete heard, when told this: “You are too fat. You are a failure because you cannot meet these body expectations, even though we know they’re unreasonable.” In college, at 5’8” and 150 pounds I made the jazz team, but “only if you lose 35 pounds over the summer.” I starved myself to make that goal, and was denied a weigh-in in the fall anyway. That loss put me at the healthy weight for my 5’1” heart-sister. It’s no wonder I was sick for the first half of my sophomore year until I had gained the weight back. I didn’t realize the part my family had played in my psyche until recently. Even my wonderful, supportive father managed to put in a well-intentioned nail – he had always been overweight and didn’t’ want me to suffer the same stigma.

So that brings me to now. Although not celiac, it appears that an intolerance to grains and some sugars is what has been causing my joint pain and arthritis-like symptoms – since my 20s. The NSAIDs they put me on encouraged my body to gain weight and raised my blood pressure. I suspect, with no scientific evidence, that along with a genetic predisposition, they also conspired to trigger my thyroid issues.

I am trying to disengage my thinking about my weight from my thinking about my overall health, as the weight is a result of the health, not a cause of it, despite what some in the AMA might try to tell me. It’s difficult. Watching a number on the scale is a lot easier than judging how much pain I’m in. And when the pain goes down, so actually does that number. (Note: this is NOT the case with every person. Just mine.) What I’m really afraid of is that as my weight gets down to where I have to start adding grains and other things back into my diet to maintain my health that my eating disorders will kick in again. I already see that if I slip up and eat a piece of toast (or heaven forfend, a cookie!) – not only do I suffer pain in my joints for two days afterward, but my subconscious tells me that one slice was a “binge” and I should go purge it.

IslandGoth?

Other than swearing at the local router and the lack of internet connection these past few days, that is…

The weekend of October 8th, my belly-buddies and I traveled to Nags Head, NC to attend Beach Blanket Beledi. Much fun was had by all (the first rule of the workshop is “You MUST have fun!”), and I’m afraid that we horrified the poor organizer again – this time the EO took the stage with us at the performance that evening, as the “local tourist” facing the “Goth Island crew”.  Sorry the only photo I can post is of me only!  Hopefully there will be some shots on Cheyleydra’s site soon (currently the photos are of the 2010 show).

We stayed an extra two days, making it the first vacation we’ve had together in 2 years, since the EO was too sick to attend last year.

I’ve also finished the models for release at the Online Needlework Show, and there should be a third one released sometime in November. They’ll be available on the site for retail purchase as well as wholesale come December.

Yesterday my fall classes at SuperB’s gym in Coats, NC started. They are available on a drop-in basis as well, so if you’re interested and in the area, feel free to contact SuperB and come by! We’d love to see you. Next session of Fuquay-Varina classes start up again the last Thursday of this month.

And in my spare time, I’ve been stitching. Inspired a bit by the Daisychain ABCs, I designed my own alphabet based on an old Victorian letter, and have been stitching name signs. They are hand embroidered, then upholstered onto foam board with a felt backing and a ribbon hanger. They’ll be available in my Etsy store in the next week – and I’m more than happy to stitch custom names for you as well!  There will be a pattern available for them soon as well, for us crafty-types who want to pick our own colors and stitch it ourselves!

Time for a deep breath, learning and fun.
There won’t be a Monday treasure this week, because I was bad and didn’t do my homework.
But while you’re waiting for me to come back on Tuesday, you can watch some of the type of dance I’ll be learning (this is our lovely local dancer, Haala, performing in Durham two years ago- she also runs NCBellydance.org for resources!):

You really CAN go to Farmville in NC! But I *didn't*.

I spent last weekend at the beach. Well. Sort of. Despite the picture at the beginning I did NOT stop at Farmville… Either the real town (LOL!) OR the computer game.

I spent last weekend at Beach Blanket Beledi, which is a lovely and FUN (1st rule of BBB – Have Fun!!!) bellydance workshop that takes one day, (well, three if you count travel time from my house!) and features three wonderful teachers every year. This year was Dalia Carella, one of my favorite dancer/teachers of all time. I could watch that woman dance for hours. Class is to die for, sometimes I think literally… keeping up is always hard work. But I wish I could take class from her at least once a week… I know I’d be in better shape at the end of a month! The workshop she taught is available online as a download in two classes. It was the Ghanalli choreography. Also teaching were Riskallah Riyad from Connecticut, and Chelydra, who taught us a “Dash of Debke”. Apparently our troupe choreographies from last year were well received, as they kept being referenced all day by the teachers, much to our embarrassment. I came home with a notebook full of new ways of putting steps together into combinations, ways of integrating my modern and jazz dance background with my raks sharki, and some great ideas for getting my students to be themselves when dancing.

So from a learning standpoint, workshops are great, no matter what your level is. Saqra of Washington state once said to me that if you don’t remember everything in a workshop, it’s all right, because you’ll remember it when you need it — it will bubble up over time, so don’t worry about getting overwhelmed. She’s been right, although I find that writing down combinations as I learn them helps immensely in the remembering arena!

Needlework workshops are the same way… you learn new techniques for things you thought you already knew how to do! And sometimes you can share a tip with an instructor as well.

But the most important thing about workshops to me is that they inevitably remind me that I’m not alone in whatever endeavor I’m doing. Both needlework and dance can be very solitary pursuits, especially if you find yourself dancing in your living room because of a lack of classes at your level that are convenient! Going to a workshop is a way to find new friends that you already have at least one thing in common with – it’s an icebreaker.

I never had good experiences at summer camp growing up. But now, going to Beach Blanket in particular, I start to understand the girls who loved it. Leaving is bittersweet.  “Drive home safely.  Have a good flight” (people come from everywhere), and most importantly “see you next year!” ring. As we come back year after year, we start to see the same women, and slowly learn names. We start to communicate by email and get invited to their hometowns for workshops. Workshops in the arts are how we build community and learn from each other. It’s neat.  (Oh, and there’s usually partying at night, too. )

Choreography?

They have a lot in common, really. Kind of surprising on the surface, but not so much as you dig deeper. Everything has a structure, and physicists are finding that mathematically, everything is related.

I’ve been playing with stitches in crewelwork lately. Often I fall back on old standards that I know work, because they have for centuries – long and short stitch, satin, chain stitch, stem stitch, the occasional french or colonial knot. Blanket stitch and I don’t get along particularly well if I’m not covering wire, and I’ve just recently re-discovered a love for Palestrina knots.

Repetition and Variation

I got to thinking about how similar placing stitches into a design is to placing dance steps in a choreography. The same design rules apply. You need repetition to make sure that your viewer doesn’t get overwhelmed or lost — it creates a safe place – and you need variation or it gets boring quickly.

In dance, we call it the “rule of four.” It takes four repetition for a viewer to get to the “Yeah, OK, I’ve seen that” point – so you can change it up with a bit of surprise on the fourth repetition – 3 hip circles and a figure 8 with the hips for example (or three 8s and a big circle, for that matter…) I can achieve an undulating flow by alternating moves, a-b, a-b, or hip snap, circle, hip snap, circle.

Click for larger image

And this is applicable to needlework, too! (Really – watch me!)

For example, you can use color as in the top wing feathers here – red/blue, red/blue. Or in stitches – stem stitch filling, chain, stem, chain. I did the latter on the bottom wing, with a subtle color addition, too. (And note that the top feather is the equivalent of the 4th rep variation ( it’s a raised stem stitch right now… but I’m considering ripping it out and making it plain stem stitch… it just seems jarring.)

The trellis work grid pattern on the leaves provides repetition and the size change gives it variation.

How do you use repetition and variation? Even if all you do is geometric cross stitch designs, do you ever replace a color with beads? Use more than one color?

In other words, there are almost as many versions of goth costuming as there are genres of bellydance itself.

Perhaps the best known Gothic style dancer is Tempest. She draws from all of the above styles with a dark and humourous twist — and she teaches a mean workshop on using film noir attitude in your dancing!

I have seen her dance in dark flapper attire with Doc Martin boots, pantaloons and lace in granny boots – and a very spooky Lovecraft inspired outfit.

Other Gothic dancers wear what could be mistaken for just dark colored bedlah of the Egyptian or Turkish varieties. Others use a dark tribal as a base — it’s really the mood of the dancing that makes something Gothic, rather than the costuming. (For example, Tempest’s ode to Theda Bara costume is white, but no les Goth for the color!)

Tempest’s 20s style routine to “Whatever Lola Wants”

Ariellah at Black Heart’s Ball…

For more, just search “Gothic Bellydance” on youtube and marvel at the variety!

Tribal style costuming, like “cabaret,” comes in many different flavors. Remember that there are always going to be variations, even with styles.

American Tribal Style

ATS, as created by Carolena Nericcio takes the standard vocabulary of bellydance and creates a strong, group-oriented vision. Troupes dancing in the ATS style often incorporate big swirly skirts, poofy cotton harem pants, velvet in black, rust or jewel tones, traditional Afghani coins, Indian embroideries, tassels and turbans. There has been movement over the last few years (decade?) to add woolen hair fals, hair picks with feathers and cowrie shells, and “hair gardens” which are full flower bouquets perched in braids and elaborate hairstyles, sometimes incorporating the bright wool hair falls.

Tribal Fusion

I always find the various genre names a bit amusing — ATS is also a fusion form in many ways. Tribal fusion, World Dance fusion  are all variants from the ATS branch of the bellydance tree. These are NOT always danced as a group, very often there is choreography involved, and costuming can go from basic to very far-out. Because tribal fusion is so personal, as is the costuming choices, I’ll take three fusion dancers’ styles and give examples:

Rachel Brice uses cowrie shells, tassels, flare leg pants and panel skirts to create her signature look. This look has been adopted by many of the fusion dancers – it’s very striking.

Donna Mejia‘s costume choices have been simpler, at least in the locations I’ve see, but in combination with her orientale/electronica/hip hop/Brazilian fusion moves are no less striking.Be sure to explore her site and her videos as well as gallery. She is an amazing, strong dancer with roots in many worlds.

< a href=”http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3RtFgo2-NWk” target=”_blank”>Donna Mejia video

Dalia Carella, who may well be a bad choice to label “tribal” fusion, though her World Dance form is definitely fusion, leans more to simple reflections of the forms she is fusing. Huge skirts stand in for flamenco dresses, heavy veils for Indian influence. There is definitely a reason she played the part of Ruth St-Denis off Broadway!

Just a taste – right at the beginning…

Tribaret

I love the individuality of the fusion world. I love the options and the mis-and match mindset. I love coins and cowries – but I miss the beads if I’m performing in these styles. Which leads me to the cosumint/performance style known as “tribaret.” Take the fusion form, and then fuse *it*to what I earlier called Cabaret. Glitz and coins and shells! What more could a girl want? If the baroque era of gilt and overkill had produced a bellydance form (hah!) this would be it.

Conclusion

So there’s my homage to the coins and velvet and fusion of world dance. In later parts, we’ll go over Raqs Gothique, and I still promise a few beading techniques outside of my bedlah series! (the bedlah is progressing. Really it is. Just very very slowly as I have other projects that are more pressing right now…)

Our troupe is putting the finishing touches on a routine for Beach Blanket Beledi in early October.  Hee hee. I’ll provide more information after we’ve unveiled it.

What it DOES bring to mind for me though is that I discovered I need to take in my gold bedlah. Last time I tried it on, I couldn’t get it closed, I had puffed up so much. But after discovering my thyroid issues, cutting way back on my carb intake, over the past two years I have lost not only the 2 inches that wouldn’t let it close, but another 2 in addition! I am a VERY happy dancer. I am hoping that this means that soon I’ll be able to remove the kludge that is the extension at the sides altogether. And maybe use the gauntlets for something else… I don’ t know… like maybe SLEEVES?!

But very happy. I promise photos of some sort in October. Maybe. <grin>

At ShimmySouth 10 - Photo by Megan Freeman

• I dance to celebrate life.
• I dance because moving my body to music, even when I was very ill, reminds and reminded me that I’m alive and that this is a good thing.
• I dance because my inner child still likes to spin until she gets dizzy.
• I dance because it’s as close to flying as I can get.
• I dance because I love wind against my face and I don’ t run or ski.
• I dance because I love my body.
• I dance because I’m human.
• I dance because I can’t not dance and still be me.

It’s been a hard couple of weeks. But we’re still here, and I’m still dancing, even if my posting has been sporadic.

Gardens and their denizens have been favorites of embroiderers for centuries. Spiders and their webs hold pride of place in crazy quilt blocks. In the renaissance and Tudor embroideries, all manner of creepy crawlies appear among the flowers.

But did you know that bellydancers also have a love-hate relationship with the creepy-crawlies? Costumes have been decorated with sparkly versions of butterflies, dragonflies, and so on — usually things with wings (although leaving hte garden mataphor for a moment there have been some unfortunate run-ins with seafood and misplaced, disembodied hands, but hopefully those are rare…)

What interests me is the fact that it seems to be very difficult to do insects on bellydance costumes in a less-than-tacky manner. Butterflies with bra cups for wings, usually made out of those sequinned camisoles that were so popular back in the day (Camisoles and tops that I often love on their own, with a pencil skirt by the way…). Dragonflies on the belt with the body vertical in… umm… suggestive locations. It’s all been done. And often in beautifully executed sequin embroidery.

I have an idea for a garden/insect costume myself, despite the current “thou shalt not even go there” attitude that has developed from the above sad costume choices. Wish me luck — I’ll probably need it. But I’ve got other costumes to develop first… and I have GOT to get back to beading that turquoise bedlah I’ve been documenting here!